


I am Supernatural (and so can you!)

by rivkat



Category: Supernatural, The Colbert Report
Genre: Eight crazy nights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-14 07:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivkat/pseuds/rivkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For elliemurasaki: Sam and Dean's role in stopping the apocalypse has made the news and the boys are guests on the Colbert Report. Discussion of Sam/Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am Supernatural (and so can you!)

“You claim to have stopped the apocalypse,” Stephen Colbert said.

Dean was busy leering at a pretty girl in the front row, not paying much attention, but Sam leaned forward, putting his forearms on the desk and opening his hands, eyes wide and sincere. “Well, we still don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t fought off Lucifer—maybe God would have changed His mind about intervening. Or if this was all destined to happen, maybe it’s not right to say _we_ stopped anything.”

“Yes, yes, free will,” Colbert said, waving his hand, “but my point is: you are obviously lying. Because, if the apocalypse was near, then, as a righteous man, I would have been assumed bodily into Heaven, just as promised in the _Left Behind_ books, I mean in the Book of Revelation.”

“Uh,” said Sam. Maybe he should have spent a little more time researching this Colbert guy before he’d agreed to go on the show. Next to him, Dean mugged for the camera some more. “I guess we didn’t get close enough for the Rapture to have been triggered? Also, I gotta say, Heaven is nowhere near as fun as they make it out to be. It’s more like life on infinite rerun.”

“Watching me four times a day,” Colbert said, and sighed happily. “Sounds like Heaven to me.” The studio audience roared.

Sam tried to smile. The lights were really bright. And hot. Also he was still pretty concerned that there’d be FBI agents waiting to arrest them once they stepped outside. Dean struck a pose, and Sam didn’t have the heart to tell him that he looked less Schwarzenegger than Zoolander.

“Moving on. What do you say to reports that your relationship with your brother is more than brotherly?”

“Dude!” Dean exclaimed, finally paying attention. “Have you been talking to that chick Becky?”

Colbert looked down at his notes. “Actually, I have reports here from people you’ve saved in ten states who’ve made that inference. Not to mention the online gossip. Let’s face it, boys, you’re kind of old to be sharing a bed—”

“A room!” Sam interjected quickly. “We share a room!” Rooms, plural, across the lower forty-eight, plus that one time in Scotland, no matter how many times they were offered two, but that was just saving money and a totally natural reluctance on each of their parts to let the other out of their sights and not at all about watching each other sleep or get dressed or anything like that.

“—Sam’s built like a brick bleephouse, Dean’s so pretty I’m not even sure it’s gay to lust after him, you have no ties to anyone else, you went to Hell and/or unleashed Lucifer on Earth for each other. Overall, I’d have to say: that’s pretty gay.”

Dean looked like he’d just seen the Impala turn into a flock of doves, not sure whether he was more amazed or panicked. Sam cleared his throat and kicked Dean’s shin, trying to get him to reboot. “Well, Stephen, what you have to understand is, what with the demons after us, and no one else _believing_ there were demons after us, and growing up on the run with nothing but hustling and scams—”

“ _Pool_ hustling,” Dean broke in. “Pool. And _petty_ crime.” He grinned out at the audience, just a little too brightly.

“—and everyone we ever made an emotional connection with, pretty much, dying horribly--I mean, after a while, you kind of just—stop trying.”

“And turn to the tender, well-muscled embrace of the only one who will ever truly understand, your brother in arms,” Colbert finished. Sam began a protest, but Colbert spoke over him. “Well, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story of triumph and forbidden love. We’ll be right back.”


End file.
